A year ago, in Toastmasters, I was called to speak and I was introduced like this, “Please welcome our speaker, the Past VP PR, the Past President, and the Present Area 76 Governor…”
Yes! They talk about your past and your present.
Imagine if they are to include your love life in your intro. It would be something like this, “Please welcome our speaker, the past boyfriend of Ana, past boyfriend of Lorna, and the present boyfriend of Angela…”
Imagine how very awkward that would be.
I am lucky because I don’t have any concern just in case we have to include our love life in the speaker’s introduction. I don’t have a lot to tell about my love life. Most of them are just imaginary! 😀
But today, I’d like to talk about love, music and bravery.
Love and music has lots of similarities.
In music, if you can’t sing the high key, you can transpose it to a lower key. In other words, just change it! In love, if you can’t get that beautiful girl, change it! You can change your strategy, change your approach, or better yet – change it to an imaginary girl! 😀
If the key is high and you can’t sing it, just change it. If your high standards in love cannot be met — NO, don’t change it to lower standards. If you do, don’t ever say I told you so. Because I never did.
Remember that it is better to have an imaginary girlfriend than to have the wrong girlfriend!
You see, there was this farmer who went to see a lawyer. He thought of getting rid of his wife, either through legal separation or annulment.
Even before sitting down in the lawyer’s office, the man started saying, “I need to file a case against my wife!”
“Do you have any ground?” the lawyer asked.
“Of course, I have a ground. I own 10 hectares of ground.”
“No, what I mean is: Do you have a case?”
“Of course, I have a case. It’s where I keep all the titles of my farmland.”
“No, what I mean is: Do you have a suit?”
“Oh yes, that’s what I wear to church every Sunday.”
“No, what I mean is: What is your grudge?”
“Of course, I have a garage. That’s where I park my tractor.”
“Alright, alright, let me put it this way: Why do you want to separate with your wife?”
“Well, she always complains.”
“Why is that?”
“She always complains about how I answer her questions!”
“There were several times we did not sleep past midnight.”
“Why is that?”
“She keeps on asking questions… She must be charged for damages for causing my sleepless nights. Not to mention that she snores when she sleeps!”
The lawyer stood up and said, “Why not sing for your wife?”
“What? Sing for my wife? Don’t you understand I don’t like her anymore?”
“Oh yes, just sing – Please release me, let me go…”
“Oh, I tried. But a week later, I ended up singing – Please forgive me, I don’t know what I’d do. Please forgive me. I can’t stop loving you…”
Oh, love and music…
Music is so powerful. It can be beneficial or destructive.
I have a friend who had no girlfriend since birth. He asked me, “Chris, I need your advice.”
“What’s your problem?”
He said, “I have no girlfriend since birth. I’m not getting any younger. I want to have one.”
I looked at him straight to the eye and said, “My friend, you are asking the wrong guy. I have the same problem!” 😀
He was about to cry so I comforted him. “Well, I actually had some girlfriends. But not the kind of relationship that I have in mind. You see, I am an accountant, and I always consider substance over form.”
Then I turned on my coaching hat and asked him some questions. And in the middle of our conversation, I asked, “What’s your theme song?”
He answered with gusto and started singing, “I’m afraid to love you, I’m afraid of your touch. I’m afraid to love again ‘cause it hurts when love fails.”
I was about to join him sing but I looked at him and said, “My friend, no wonder why! You are singing the wrong songs… How about singing a different set of songs – not about fear and failure but about passion and expression. For example, ‘When a man loves a woman, Can’t keep his mind on nothing else. He’d trade the world for the good thing he’s found.’”
I told him, “You’ve got to believe me. I learned the hard way. There was this song that I have been singing with style before. It’s called ‘Somewhere Down the Road.’ It starts with this line, ‘We have right love at the wrong time…’”
Realization came when I met this beautiful girl. She looks like that Mexican lady on a Hollywood Movie. The magic moment came when she started singing and I was looking at her then she looked at me. There was a spark. The world stopped turning at that very moment. There was magic and I took it from there. We got to know a little bit about each other. I liked her and she liked me.
Weeks after, there seems to be something different going on.
There must be something wrong. So I asked her, “My lady, what’s wrong?”
She said, “I’m sorry. It is like we have the right love at the wrong time…”
Man, that songs sounds familiar. It was like a dejavu. That was my song!
I was not told of the Miranda Doctrine in Courtship. Nobody told me: “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you sing can and will be used against you in your courtship or love life…”
It even goes on like this, “…You have the right to consult an attorney before speaking to your lady. If you cannot afford an attorney, an imaginary one will be appointed for you. If you decide to do so, your imaginary attorney will be present but will only help you in courting an imaginary girl.”
Because of that realization, I haven’t been singing for a long time.
I decided to keep silent. But then I later realized, there are times to keep silent but there are also times to sing your heart out. Like when you see a beautiful girl, you can express your appreciation. Just like this, “Oh her eyes, her eyes make the stars look like they’re not shinin’. Her hair, her hair falls perfectly without her trying. She’s so beautiful and I tell her everyday.”
Or, “Imagine me and you, I do. I think about you day and night, it’s only right. To think about the girl you love and hold her tight. So happy together.”
Yes, love and music go together.
But somewhere in between, it has to come also with bravery. Bravery and courage are important elements.
A long time ago, there was this rich mayor called baknang in the province. One day, he announced to his townspeople that he will give his daughter to the bravest man in his town. Her daughter is the most beautiful woman that a man could ever have. And yes, she is willing to be the woman of the bravest man.
On the appointed day, all the hopeful men gathered at the municipio. The baknang led them to a river at the foot of the mountain. The river was well-known for hundreds of man-eating crocodiles. When they arrived, the baknang told the men to cross the bridge to the other side.
When all the men were at the other side, curious and excited what will be asked of them to get the baknang’s daughter, the baknang declared, “The first man to swim across the river to this side will have my daughter as his bride.”
The men looked at the river and saw the crocodiles getting ready to swallow anyone. Not a single man moved. The baknang declared again, “The first man to swim across the river to this side will have my daughter as his bride.”
Again, not a single man moved. The baknang asked, “Is there not a brave man in my town?”
Suddenly, a splash was heard. A young man was seen swimming furiously in the water, fighting off the crocodiles, and struggling to make it to the other side. After several close shaves, he finally made it to shore. He was met by a tremendous roaring applause. They helped him out of the water, shook his hands and congratulated him. Immediately, the baknang declared him the bravest man of the town and handed him her daughter.
And then the baknang said, “Young man, you now have my daughter. But before we move back to the municipio for your wedding ceremony, would you like to say something to all the coward men there on the other side?”
“Oh yes, yes, yes!” the young man shouted. “WHO AMONG YOU PUSHED ME??!!!”
The man was not the bravest after all. He was lucky that someone pushed him.
In life, however, often times we have to push our own selves.
Nobody else will push us. But when we do, probably we will be able to enjoy the fruits of love, music and bravery.
In time, you will be singing, “That I was born for you and that you were born for me…”
Or, “God gave me you to show me what’s real…”
So change your songs if necessary.
Be brave and swim against the crocodiles of courtship and relationship.
In time, you will win your one and only. The one. By then, you don’t have to chase an imaginary lady (or man, for the ladies) once again.
Live your life, young mind!
Chapter 39 of Chris’ latest book talks about Your Life Partner. Go get a copy of the book Living Large in the Little Things for a special price at www.chrispoweracademy.com/livinglarge.
If you are in the Cordilleras or anywhere nearby, join us in the FREE Living Large Seminar and Book Launch on September 10, 5:30PM in Baguio City. For details and registration, go to www.chrispoweracademy.com/lls.