…In my journey as a young mind, I have come to some episodes of my life as a single when I thought I have found the one. But it turned out, I was wrong…
Yesterday, my friends and I were discussing about a lot of things and then we went into the topic on relationship. Someone raised the question, “How can you find the right one?” We did not really discuss it as we were just trying to gather topic ideas about being single and/or getting into a relationship.
Normally, I would ponder on questions that are thrown to me or those simply raised in the group. But this time, I just parked it on my mind. Even today, I did not even bother to think about it as I busied myself with office stuff the entire day.
But after dinner, when I opened Facebook, I saw a post from our friend Jill, “This link is about relationship… a must-watch for everyone!”
It, indeed, is a must-watch. It is a video of Andy Stanley (a pastor) sharing his message about love, sex, and dating. In his talk, he said something that gave an answer to the question yesterday, “How can you find the right one?”
Actually, he did not give a direct answer to that question. But he gave an answer that totally cracked it.
He said, “You do not find the one. You become the one.”
That hammers a powerful point. I agree! The best way to find the one is not to look for the one. The best way to find the one is to become the one.
How is this?
Before answering that, let me relay first some warnings (if I may call it) as Stanley examined some problems in the dating arena as showcased in today’s society. Allow me to paraphrase and add my personal reflections on his message.
[Note: I am sharing these warnings because you and I need them. We have our human weaknesses that are ought to be overcome for our own good. The purpose of these, if I may borrow Jason Evert’s wise words, is “not to suppress you but to free you.” And in realizing that we may have made mistakes in these areas, the goal is not to let you down but to lift you up and welcome the embrace of God in your life – that amidst the shame of the past, His grace and love is more powerful. He will heal our past. He will break the chains. He will free us from the bondage of addiction and sin. Let us live in His love and cooperate in His blessings.]
1. Don’t become a “serial dater.” Or don’t date one. Or stop being one. You don’t want to come into a point when the moment comes that you sit down and try to define the relationship, you’ll only hear from the other person, “It’s over!” Why waste a huge amount of effort, time, money, and emotions for nothing but a series of or dates-ending-no-where?
2. “Your past will show up in your future.” Be mindful of what you do today at present, especially in dating. “The present will be your past which will be present in your future.” Do something good at present and that good will show up in your future. The opposite is also true. Do something bad at present and that bad will show up in your future. Choose the good one.
3. Note that there are “no” problems that come out of marriage; rather, there are problems that come out from two single people (something carried over unresolved) that become magnified in their marriage. You better deal with your problems now and strive to solve it. Seek help, if necessary.
4. Don’t fall into the myth – The Right Person Myth. It’s a MYTH to say, “If I meet or marry the right person, everything will be alright.” No! It does not work that way.
5. Sex is NOT a “need!” Do not mistreat or misuse it. Sex is a wonderful sacred gift. One must truly understand this to really enjoy it within the bounds of love and sanctity of marriage. (More on this in a separate discussion.)
Being guided with these, the ultimate question to ask as Stanley shares is this:
“Are you who the person you are looking for is looking for?”
In other words, are you becoming the person you are looking for is looking for?
In the Bible (1 Corinthians 14), you can be guided on how you can become the person you are looking for is looking for.
“Love is patient.” It does not pressure the other person. It creates much needed space, time and margin as much as the other person needs.
“Love is kind.” It is considerate of the other person.
“Love does not envy.” It lets the other person shine.
“Love does not dishonour.” It does not create occasions that are disgraceful, dishonourable, or indecent that will become a cause of a huge regret.
The beautiful verses do not end here. Continue and read the passage. Reflect on it and be guided.
Start becoming “the one.” Make that decision today.
It won’t be easy but with God’s grace, He will fill up whatever lack you may have. It is His joy that you may live in love.
Live your life, young mind!
Featured image courtesy of arztsamui / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
PS 1: Watch Andy Stanley’s entire video message here: http://northpoint.org/messages/the-new-rules-for-love-sex-and-dating/the-right-person-myth/
PS 2: My friend Mae and I are coming up with a book on this topic. Stay tuned by subscribing to this blog.
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