“Hey, it’s good to be back home again. Sometimes this old farm feels like a long lost friend. Yes and hey, it’s good to be back home again.”
I love this song of John Denver. One time as I was on my way going home to Benguet away from the City of Makati, I was playing this song over and over again. It’s for one good reason – It’s indeed good to be back home again. There are bonuses even – the green farms, the mountains, the trees, the fresh and cool breeze, the rivers, and the falls.
Coming back home is delightful. You’ve got to do a lot of joyful things. Spend time with your family. Meet with old friends. Bond with neighbors and relatives. Reminisce the past and its wonderful memories.
But I also have to issue a warning: Coming back home can be dangerous.
Before I’ll explain why it can be dangerous, let me tell you that you have two homes. One, your physical home. Second, your psychological home.
Your physical home is the physical structure. The house that your parents built for you and your brothers and sisters.
Your psychological home, on the other hand, is the image of home that is stored in your subconscious mind. It is good if what stored is a good image of “home” but not when it is bad. Certainly so. But how can it be bad?
Experts say that the subconscious mind tends to process only what is familiar. The problem here is if there are events in your childhood life or in the early days of your life that you are exposed to and those are the ones that became familiar due to their recurrence in the past, it “tells” you that it is OK to do that something even if that something is not really OK. These things may have created bad habits in your life. And since it is deeply rooted in your mind, it is what the body seeks to do even how bad those can be.
– being alcoholic or addicted to alcohol because of an alcoholic father
– being hot tempered because of a hot tempered father or mother
– iron handed because of a “too-much” disciplinarian father
– perverted view of sexuality because of exposure to perverted movies during childhood days
– problems with authorities because of unresolved issues with parents
I was shocked when they say that most number of battered wives were before battered children. How can that be possible? Haven’t they learned their lesson? The problem is that being battered has become their home and they keep on going back to that even how painful it is to them. The same sad truth applies to the examples given above.
The way to go away with this is to create a new home – to create a wonderful new home and store this as your new psychological home. You can do this by the power of imagination. You can do this by regular affirmation. You can do this by dreaming and working for the better. Keep on attending nourishing events like the Feast (www.lightfam.com). Keep nourishing friends.
If you think you have some struggles with your psychological home, I suggest you get hold of the book Your Past Does Not Define Your Future (by Bo Sanchez) and Be Free (by Jojo Apolo). They also conduct seminars on this. I have read these books and have attended their seminar and I am so thankful that I did.
Here’s another suggestion: Be careful when you come back home. There will be instances that when you go back to your physical home, you get tempted to also go to your psychological home. Even when you decided to break free from your old habits and created a new psychological home to where you are coming back, there will be times that you may be enticed to go back to your bad psychological home. The more challenging things is when people like your old friends can cause you to get back to those old bad habits. For example, you get invited by your old friends to join them in ravishing a bottle of alcohol. Be careful.
I am not saying that you cut your relationship with them. No, you can actually maintain it. But be frank in telling them, “I have quit on that. I’m sorry. But I remain your friend.” At first, it may be uncomfortable and they may look at you with a different eye but that’s a given fact. Still, be frank and stick to your decision.
It will be challenging and uncomfortable but it is also liberating. I know it because I experienced it and struggling with it but also experiencing a liberating experience out of it.
Again, coming back home can be delightful or dangerous because there are two forms of homes. The danger lies more on the state of your psychological home. Is it something that is good to go back to? Then, you’re safe. But if it is something that is terrible to go back to, then you are in danger. It is time to create a new home and that is where you are to keep coming back.
There are ways to create a new home and there are ways to stay nourished. Involve yourself in a loving community. Seek guidance. Attend nourishing events and keep nourishing friends.
Because it is always good to be back home and may that home be a wonderful one.
Live your life, young mind!
PS: Watch out for my upcoming book – the first printed book that I offer to the young minds. Stay tuned and prepare to have your copy.