So why do you think you are still single?
Perhaps, you are still young. Why would you need to ask such question if you are still 15 years young or even 21 years young? Maybe you can ask that question if you are 25 years old (that’s not even old) or maybe 30 years old (I prefer to call them not so young!).
So let’s say you are a person asking this question because you are about to go beyond the number of the calendar.
There may be a lot of reasons why.
Maybe you are not taking actions.
Maybe you are very passive.
Maybe you are called to become a priest or a nun.
Maybe you are called to single blessedness.
Or maybe you are not yet prepared.
There are a lot of reasons why and only you can know the reason why. With that, I’d rather change the question and ask, “What can you do while you are still single?”
One suggestion for now: Repair yourself.
My friend Jan once asked me, “Why don’t you have a girl friend?”
I answered, “I’m still preparing.”
We were walking then at the Mall of Asia and he misheard what I said because of the sounds, music, and noise around. What he heard was, “I’m still repairing.”
I think he misheard that for a reason – a reason for me to reflect on. That is – one way to prepare before you go into a relationship is to repair yourself.
Maybe you have bad habits or addictions. For the men, maybe you have tendencies to see pornography or fall into false sexual satisfaction. For the women, maybe you have impulse buying or excessive shopping ‘syndrome’. Both can be destructive to one’s future relationship if not addressed.
Maybe you were broken. It may be due to a failed relationship with your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend. The best step to take is to heal yourself first. Don’t immediately jump and take a rebound just to cover up your hurt. Experts say that your relationship history may repeat itself. So heal yourself first.
Maybe you were wounded while you were growing up. You may have unresolved father or mother issues. Or maybe you were wounded by a cousin or neighbor or a bully in school. Chances are if these issues stay unresolved, it may affect your future relationships. So repair yourself.
I don’t have a step-by-step procedure to give you on how to repair yourself but let met share to you three things you can do. In my personal journey, these three have helped me in my healing process.
1. Join a community that will fill you up with love.
I started attending the weekly Feast at the PICC in 2011. I would say that every Feast is a transformational event for me. I get blessed by the mass, the worship, and the preaching. The Feast is where I get reminded, through the words of Bro. Bo Sanchez, that the Lord loves me so much amidst my past mistakes and past hurts. He cares for me.
For example, my father may not have been so very good but he attempted to raise me up in goodness the best way he could. As a human, he might have failed in a number of areas. But thanks be to God because there He is, a Father who fills in whatever is missing in the fatherhood or motherhood of our earthly parents. I believe that every parent loves his child but in their imperfection, there may be times that they make mistakes and these negatives get amplified that we children forget about the love they are trying to give. The same way with other authority figures that you have in life – it may be your big brother or sister, your cousin, your boss, your neighbor, your classmate, or your teacher.
They may have hurt you because they were hurting to. The way to go is to let go and let God. Let God fill in the love that people cannot give.
There may be times that we think we are ugly or that we are undeserving. Maybe because we were rejected in the past. That may have happened but that event does not define who you are. Let me echo Joel Osteen, “You are the son (or daughter) of the Most High God.”
Let us fill our love tank and heal our toxic shame with the love of God.
I can’t describe how the miracle of healing happens but I believe that the grace of God flows into our life the moment we learn to surrender to Him and accept Him.
Join a community. Join a ministry in your parish. Visit www.kerygmafamily.com to locate Feasts around the Philippines and abroad.
2. Read good books and attend seminars on self development and relationships.
I have read the book Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck. Dr. Peck is a psychiatrist who has helped numerous people in their relationships. What I saw as the common culprit in his patients’ problems is the fact that they have hurtful childhood past and the wound inflicted to them stayed in them, destroying them, even after so many years that had passed.
The key is to let go for you to grow and glow.
And don’t stop pampering yourself. That is why I attend the Feast every Sunday. We need constant reminder and regular plugging to our Source.
We need constant affirmation. We need constant inspiration. We need God’s constant grace.
Last week, I finished reading the book Unstoppable by Nick Vujicic and now in the 17th Chapter of Joel Osteen’s Break Out.
Last September, I and my friends Sha, Milmarch, Jane, Divine and her boyfriend Gelo were also blessed to have attended the Real Love Revolution with Jason and Crystalina Evert as the speakers. Google their names and check out resources you can have to help yourself in pure love and chastity. I warn you: You’ll get to know about their amazing love story. Also I urge you to attend the Real Love Revolution next year.
By the way, on Saturday, October 26, I will also be attending the Seminar Your Past Does Not Define Your Future. If you were able to read this before the 26th, I encourage you to join too. Bo Sanchez and Jojo Apolo will be sharing powerful stories and tools to break bad habits. You can check the details of the seminar at http://trulyrichclub.com/yourpastseminar/.
3. Seek to help others who are hurting.
Here’s what I realized when we seek out to help others who are hurting or when we seek out to give inspiration to others who are down or when we seek out to empower other people: we have no choice but to heal ourselves first, to inspire ourselves first, and to empower ourselves first.
We have no choice because in our attempt to help out, we get marinated in the process.
We can only give what we have. In times that we attempt to give what we do not have, the good thing is that – while we do not have it at first, we struggle to get it so we can be able to give it.
So seek to help out and the healing process in yourself shall not cease but it will bring you to places you’ve been dreaming of. In the process, you can’t help but bless others.
To those already in a relationship, if you think you have something to work on, I’m not saying you break-up and be single for you to do some repairing. If you need to, do so. (Pray about it.)
But here’s another option: talk to your partner about your concerns. Be accountable for each other. Remind each other if someone’s getting off-course. Go to church together. Go to the Feast together. Read books together. Attend seminars together. Imagine, you have more dates than before? Try it out. I said ‘try’ because as you know, I’m single and the way you do it may be different from what I do. But the concept is still the same.
If God does miracles in a single person, what more can he do for two souls loving each other and coming together in His name.
Again, for singles, don’t linger on the question, “Why are you still single?” Instead, act on the question, “What can you do while you are still single?”
Prepare for the one. Repair yourself. Heal your wound. Make yourself whole.
And when you are ready, go and meet the one. Who knows, you’ve already met him or her. And he or she is just preparing for you, too.
Live your life, young mind!
[Featured image courtesy of photostock / freedigitalphotos.net]
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